Funny or Die Two Guys in Tge Office

Funny quotes from NBC's, The Office. Hilarious quotes from Michael Scott, Dwight, Kevin, Andy, Creed and the whole Office cast.

The Office is a super-successful comedy series that debuted in 2005, ran for nine seasons, and is still being binge-watched today. Besides giving its audience a good laugh with every single episode, The Office has plenty of content that remains relevant to this day.

Most of you have already experienced working in an office so it can be quite easy to relate to some of the show's events or characters.

Working really close to a bunch of people that are different from you can sometimes be frustrating and awkward. But since you're already there, you might just try to make things work – everyone else is doing the same. And if at the end of the day you can leave your cubicle with a smile on your face, you've accomplished much more than you realize.

The Office has so many hilarious moments that will never get old. Some of your colleagues have probably already used some The Office quotes to loosen up the atmosphere at work. If not, read the ones we've prepared for you and be the first to do it.

Here are 75 The Office quotes to pick you up from a bad day:

One of the most iconic workplace comedy shows of the last few decades, and arguably of all time, The Office provided viewers with an endless amount of quotable lines that have stuck with us long after the first episode aired in 2005. Still to this day, the classic mockumentary-style sitcom continues to find new audiences.

From Dwight's epic pranks and nonsensical rants to Michael's crazy shenanigans, the gang at the Dunder Mifflin paper company have uttered some of the most epic words in the history of modern television. Most of the dialogue is hilarious, some of it is straight up cringe-worthy and there are plenty of sweet moments that'll tug at your heartstrings too. Read on for some of the most unforgettable quotes from The Office.

I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake.

KELLY KAPOOR

For my new year's resolution, I gave up drinking… during the week.

MEREDITH PALMER

I have been trying to get on jury duty every year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit it in an air-conditioned room, downtown, judging people, while my lunch is paid for … that is the life.

STANLEY HUDSON

How is it possible that in five years, I've had two engagements and only one chair?

PAM BEESLEY

From time to time I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future.

JIM HALPERT

Do I look like someone who would waste my own time?

ROBERT CALIFORNIA

I talk a lot, so I've learned to just tune myself out.

KELLY KAPOOR

The man is wearing sandals. I don't need to see Oscar's toes at work. Gross! I mean he looks like he just got off the boat.

ANGELA MARTIN

I don't care what they say about me. I just want to eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for. At a dinner party.

PAM BEESLY

What are your weaknesses? I don't have any, a–hole.

KELLY KAPOOR

I normally don't enjoy making people laugh.

ANGELA MARTIN

Oh, it is on, like a prawn who yawns at dawn.

ANDY BERNARD

One day Michael came in and complained about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then.

JIM HALPERT

We have a gym at home. It's called the bedroom.

PHYLLIS LAPIN-VANCE

You guys I'm, like, really smart now. You don't even know. You could ask me, 'Kelly, what's the biggest company in the world?' And I'd be like, 'blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah.' Giving you the exact right answer.

KELLY KAPOOR

I don't want to be married in a tent like a hobo.

KELLY KAPOOR

A few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and my cousin, Mufasa, was um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests and um, we all took it really hard.

RYAN HOWARD

Dwight mercy-killed Angela's cat.

PAM BEESLY

I don't talk trash, I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: You're ugly and I know it for a fact 'cause I got the evidence right there.

KELLY KAPOOR

I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel day.

STANLEY HUDSON

Oh, I don't think it's blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do, so I won't tell everyone that she's cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be blackmail, it would have to be a formal letter.

PHYLLIS LAPIN-VANCE

You know what they say about a car wreck, where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away from, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.

PAM BEESLY

My roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm making Dwight up. He is very real.

JIM HALPERT

I wonder what people like about me. Probably my jugs.

PHYLLIS LAPIN-VANCE

Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are too flashy, so I'm forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.

ANGELA MARTIN

I'm guessing Angela is the one in the neighborhood that gives the trick-or-treaters toothbrushes, pennies, walnuts.

PAM BEESLY

Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, and then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sort of feel out what the situation calls for.

KELLY KAPOOR

Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug and didn't seem to realize that it wasn't his hot coffee. So, the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won't notice?

JIM HALPERT

Last year, Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed's brain, I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I've read some of it. Even for the internet, it's… pretty shocking.

RYAN HOWARD

It's like I used to tell my wife. I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong, and if you don't like it, you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I'll say it to my next one, too.

STANLEY HUDSON

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Michael Scott quotes

The self-proclaimed "World's Best Boss," Michael Scott, remains one of the unforgettable sitcom characters of the last 16 years and his iconic one-liners still crack us up to this day. Just as he was goofy and witty he was also inappropriate and offensive at times, making him relatable to anyone who's ever worked in an office with other human beings.

 Love him or hate him, Michael provided epic laughter, eye rolls and some great nuggets of wisdom. The Office, in its mockumentary format, has made us all feel a bit better about our daily work lives, and if you need a good laugh, these Michael Scott quotes will put a smile in your face.

I don't hate it. I just don't like it at all and it's terrible.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.

MICHAEL SCOTT

I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero?… I really can't say, but yes!

MICHAEL SCOTT (more Michael Scott Quotes)

I am running away from my responsibilities and it feels good.

MICHAEL SCOTT

It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don't expect everybody to understand.

MICHAEL SCOTT

I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.

MICHAEL SCOTT

I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate…no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it…Nike.

MICHAEL SCOTT

I understand nothing.

MICHAEL SCOTT

I knew exactly what to do, but in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.

MICHAEL SCOTT

I say dance, they say, 'How high?'

MICHAEL SCOTT

I'm not usually the butt of the joke. I'm usually the face of the joke.

MICHAEL SCOTT

They always say that it's a mistake to hire your friends. And they are right. So, I hired my best friends. And this is what I get!?

MICHAEL SCOTT

Whether you're scared of dying, or dying alone, or dying drunk in a ditch, don't be. It's going to be OK.

MICHAEL SCOTT

This is a dream that I've had…since lunch…and I'm not giving it up now.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Motivational quotes from The Office

The daily grind of corporate life can be mundane and The Office cast still captivates viewers because of how easy it was to relate to them in their routine drudgery. Whether it was Michael, Jim, Dwight, Pam or any of the show's other unique characters, each had bits of dialogue that were quirky, insightful and inspiring.

As much of it was filled with hilarious moments, the show's ability to capture what it's like to be an employee made many of us feel less alone in our own experiences.  If you need a boost to get you through the workday, these motivational quotes from The Office will keep you going, and probably make you chuckle.

You only live once? False. You live every day. You only die once.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

I stopped caring a long time ago.

CREED BRATTON

There's something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional.

ROBERT CALIFORNIA

I am about to do something very bold in this job that I've never done before: try.

JIM HALPERT

I have decided that I'm going to be more honest. I'm gonna start telling people what I want, directly. So, look out world, 'cuz 'ol Pammy is gettin' what she wants. And, don't call me Pammy.

PAM BEESLY

Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is 'cause you're not good at interacting with people. But guess what? From now on, you guys are no longer losers. So gives yourselves a round of applause.

KELLY KAPOOR

Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Dwight quotes from The Office

By far one of the show's most unique (and odd) characters, Dwight Shrute steadily delivered incredibly awkward moments and hilarious one-liners throughout the years. His ongoing rivalry with Jim, his loyalty to his job and his epic pranks quickly turned him into a fan favorite. Assistant to the regional manager, Dwight taught us some life lessons, beyond beet farming, along the way.

The legendary character may have not been a very nice person and despite his toxic relationship with his boss, he was a hard working and dedicated employee. The Office wouldn't be the widely successful hit series we've all come to love and cherish without him. These are some of Dwight's most memorable quotes from the show.

Powerpoints are the peacocks of the business world; all show, no meat.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' and if they would, I do not do that thing.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

You couldn't handle my undivided attention.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

I am faster than 80% of all snakes.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

I'm fast. To give you a reference point. I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

'R' is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it 'murder' and not 'mukduk.'

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

People underestimate the power of nostalgia. Nostalgia is truly one of the greatest human weaknesses, second only to the neck.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

Today, smoking is going to save lives.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

The eyes are the groin of the face.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

Best lines from The Office

It's no surprise the hit mockumentary-style sitcom continues to grow in popularity considering it's produced some of the most quotable lines in workplace comedy history. Dunder Mifflin Scranton's employees' hilarious commentary has turned The Office into one the most watched and memed shows ever. It's just one of those series fans never get tired of no matter how many times they rewatch it.

From Michael's weird words of wisdom to Stanley's sarcastic quotes, the crew at Dunder Mifflin have made viewers laugh, cringe and maybe even cry a little with their wittiness and relatability. In case you need a reminder of how legendary The Office is, here are some of the best lines from the show to refresh your memory.

 The worst thing about prison was the dementors.

MICHAEL SCOTT

 I am Beyonce, always.

MICHAEL SCOTT

I am a black belt in gift wrapping.

JIM HALPERT

Newsflash: You are not special.

STANLEY HUDSON

If I don't have some cake soon, I might die.

STANLEY HUDSON

I just wanna lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted.

KEVIN MALONE

I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl so I'm wise and I have worms.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Who says exactly what they're thinking? What kind of a game is that?

KELLY KAPOOR

Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.

ANDY BERNARD

There are always a million reasons not to do something.

JAN LEVINSON

Why are you the way that you are?

MICHAEL SCOTT

I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?

KELLY KAPOOR

The Office quotes about life

Much of The Office's success lies in how relatable it is in how it captures the day-to-day workplace lives of employees at Dunder Mifflin. Just as each season is packed with humor and wit, it's also loaded with human moments and important life lessons. Be it learning from Michael's mistakes or important lessons on how to be patient with love, the show has taught us plenty.

It;s always fun to rewatch a sitcom and pick up on some of the more subtle insights we missed the first time around. The Office is one of those shows that conveys a lot of wisdom that we can all benefit from. Each eccentric character had something to impart and we've gathered some of the best quotes about life from The Office.

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

ANDY BERNARD

So this is my life. Until I win the lottery. Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books.

JIM HALPERT

Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That's one of my mottos.

STANLEY HUDSON

The doctor said, if I can't find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I'm going to die. I'm going to die.

STANLEY HUDSON

I'm glad Michael's getting help. He has a lot of issues, and he's stupid.

PHYLLIS LAPIN-VANCE

I miss the days when there was only one party I didn't want to go to.

RYAN HOWARD

There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point?

PAM BEESLEY

The Office quotes about work

The Office captures what it's like to be an employee working at a cubicle job, more specifically at a floundering paper company. Now, if you've ever watched The Office and felt like the gang at Dunder Mifflin could read your mind and that Michael just gets you, know that you're not alone.

Michael might not have always been the greatest leader but even in his most baffling moments, he cared for his employees like family and had a lot of insights about work. If you need a little laugh or some inspiration to stay motivated in your 9-5, check out some of The Office's most memorable quotes about work.

Everything I have I owe to this job…this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.

JIM HALPERT

Yeah, I'm not a temp anymore. I got Jim's old job. Which means at my ten year high school reunion, it will not say 'Ryan Howard is a temp.' It will say 'Ryan Howard is a junior sales associate at a mid-range paper supply firm'… That'll show 'em.

RYAN HOWARD

I guess I've been working so hard, I forgot what it's like to be hardly working.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Business is a doggie dog world.

MICHAEL SCOTT (more Friday Quotes)

 Do I have a special someone? Well, yeah of course. A bunch of 'em. My employees.

MICHAEL SCOTT

An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to… An office is a place where dreams come true.

MICHAEL SCOTT

It's true. Around this office, in the past, I have been a little abrupt with people. But the doctor said, if I can't find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I'm going to die.

STANLEY HUDSON

Every so often, Jim dies of boredom.

PAM BEESLEY

If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know that I'd ever been here. And I'd forget, too.

RYAN HOWARD

Inspirational quotes from The Office

In all of its absurdity, The Office had a way of inspiring us to recognize and enjoy beauty in the mundane. The show had no shortage of hilarious lines throughout its nine seasons long run and the characters have shared some pretty encouraging nuggets of wisdom along the way. Whether it's lessons about love, relationships, or work, The Office has taught us so much.

We can always count on the gang at Dunder Mifflin to snap us out of a funk and remind us not to take life, or ourselves, too seriously. To celebrate their uniqueness and the show's success, we've gathered some of The Office's most inspirational quotes to lift your spirits when the going gets tough.

Would I rather be feared or loved? That's easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Yes, I have a dream, and it's not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse.

STANLEY HUDSON

When you're a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that.

PAM BEESLEY

Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.

MICHAEL SCOTT

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take – Wayne Gretzky.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Kevin quotes from The Office

Kevin Malone wasn't exactly what you'd call an eloquent speaker but he's delivered some truly magical lines throughout his time on The Office, and is still considered a hero to many. Kevin may not have been the sharpest tool in the shed, but it was easy to see there was a little bit of him in all of us.

He fantasized mostly about food and not working, while on the job, and well how can you not relate to that? If you're struggling to get through the workday and need a good laugh, or maybe you're feeling a little peckish, check out these legendary quotes by the one and only Kevin Malone that'll put a smile on your face, and probably make you hungry.

Mini cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?

KEVIN MALONE

I got six numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number.

KEVIN MALONE

Me think, why waste time say lot word, when few word do trick.

KEVIN MALONE

The only problem is whenever I try to make a taco, I get too excited and crush it.

KEVIN MALONE

I have very little patience for stupidity.

KEVIN MALONE

You think this is a great party? This cake has vegetables in it.

KEVIN MALONE

I want to be wined and dined and sixty-nined.

KEVIN MALONE

I go to the bathroom for 45 minutes and everything changes.

KEVIN MALONE

Put back everything in the vending machine, except the fruit.

KEVIN MALONE

I love banter, but I hate witty banter.

KEVIN MALONE

I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket, in a blanket.

KEVIN MALONE

The people here are amazing debaters. I guess you can say they are master-baters.

KEVIN MALONE

Angela's cats are so cute, you just wanna eat 'em. But you can't eat cats…

KEVIN MALONE

Oh yeah, it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage.

KEVIN MALONE

Creed quotes from The Office

One of the show's most shady and confusing characters, Creed Bratton, quality assurance director, delivers some of The Office's most fascinating lines. A mysterious man, his suspicious behavior and strange antics always left viewers with more questions than answers. He might not have been a front and center character, but that's precisely made him stand out.

From identity theft to being the leader of a cult, we never got a real sense of who Creed Bratton truly was. Turns out, his name is also Creed Bratton in real life too – that much we know. To celebrate the show's strangest characters, here are some of Creed's most unforgettable quotes from The Office.

Just pretend like we're talking until the cops leave.

CREED BRATTON

I'm 30. Well, in November I'll be 30.

CREED BRATTON

I've been involved in a number of cults, both a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader.

CREED BRATTON

I wanna do a cartwheel. But real casual like. Not enough to make a big deal out of it, but I know everyone saw it. One stunning, gorgeous cartwheel.

CREED BRATTON

Oh you're paying way too much for worms. Who's your worm guy?

CREED BRATTON

When Pam gets Michael's old chair, I get Pam's old chair. Then I'll have two chairs. Only one to go.

CREED BRATTON

If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about? What am I working toward?

CREED BRATTON

I already won the lottery. I was born in the US of A baby. And as backup I have a Swiss passport.

CREED BRATTON

You know a human can go on living for several hours after being decapitated.

CREED BRATTON

Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to William Charles Scheider.

CREED BRATTON

Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.

CREED BRATTON

You ever seen a foot with four toes?

CREED BRATTON

I run a small fake-ID company from my car with a laminating machine that I swiped from the Sheriff's station.

CREED BRATTON

If my parents see this, I'm toast.

CREED BRATTON

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